Why is everything so heavy? 

Yes, I know this is not “Boogie Wonderland” as I had planned for my next post. I changed my mind today as my heart is heavy for my children. They are all in the midst of young adulthood and living full and productive lives.  From time to time one will call and want to chat about something going on …..Normal stuff, nothing earth shattering. Well, one called today and wanted to vent about an “issue”.  Anyway, “Boogie Wonderland” will have to wait. I certainly don’t want to be a “downer”but every subject and story is not always “an upper”, you know?  Certainly life is a series of “ups and downs” or “peaks and valleys”. As a Christian I believe our lives on earth will always be changing. The Bible tells us that life will be “full of problems” and that our hope is in Christ. I really do try my best to keep that in mind when I am having a bad day : ) It does help 🙂 It seems that some folks highs are higher than others though, and I do not mean marijuana induced or any of that stuff!  On the flip side, some folks lows seem lower as well !  I must get to the story ….When we were raising our children there were many times we had discussions about that particular topic…life’s peaks and valleys! The “ups and down” and every place in between . Also a few discussions about marijuana and the other “funny stuff out there”too along the way :). They did all go through the teenage years before they became the responsible adults they are today! For me it is not any easier now (to have those talks) than it was 10+ yrs ago. It still feels stressful and worrisome because those conversations normally mean one of our 4 is having a problem in his/her life.  Usually a minor one, thankfully!  (And, Yes I do realize they are all very capable adults !! : ) The point here is, earlier today I was called on to have one of “those conversations”. Why else would any reasonable person choose to talk about life’s ups and downs ?? Oh my goodness, that sentence reminds me of a 1970’s cheesy love song. But seriously, I still struggle when we are having a “talk” …whether it’s over a school or job issue, relationship issue or whatever. It’s still hard for me as a “Mom”. I want to fix everything and make my children OK. I want the problem(s) they are having to go away right then.  I need these humans I love so dearly to feel happy. Unrealistic and not what is always best for sure. As our oldest son says, “there are blessings and there are lessons”. (I think this is pretty clever ) 🙂 On another note,  Please understand that I am in no way, shape or form minimizing anyone’s problems! I am  well aware that as humans we all have problems , and some are HUGE.  I also know that people are all different, and our brains are each”wired differently”. Hopefully, this makes sense!  Hold that thought!! ….I will attempt to use “anxiety” as one of those differences in “brain wiring” : )Now I am certainly not a medical professional of any kind. I am only sharing what I have learned from my experiences within my own family! So please take this as my two cents worth. 

All of this to say, I have struggled with anxiety issues for as long as I can remember.  I am a worrier by nature. Even as a child I worried   …usually unnecessarily! I distinctly recall riding along in the car once with my mother when I was maybe 13. I was searching my brain for “anything I should be worried about”on that particular Saturday! How awful you’re saying , or maybe you’re a kindred spirit and you deal with the dreaded “unease” yourself. I hope not. I would not wish anxiety on anyone. Unfortunately, we cannot choose which genes we pass on to our children through our shared DNA!  None of us can control how our DNA “sifts out” and makes us each a unique individual.  Well as far as I know genetic engineering hasn’t gone that far!! One of our 4 did inherit my anxiety.  I knew it only months into infancy. I recognized it.  The angst was apparent. “Bless”, as one of our daughters often says… So, one of my two “biologicals”is dealing with anxiety as I create this post. That was the subject of our conversation today.  It is this one in particular “adult child”weighing on my heart the most this evening. I am having anxiety thinking about it !! I know the situation will be better probably by tomorrow, but I’m still worried. It’s how I am. I will read the Scriptures tonight and I will pray. I will also remember to smile. As I have  said many times humor gets our family through many situations, and now is no exception. Sooo… I will just have to end with “Sometimes it is better to laugh than to cry !” Oh my,  think I see the peak just around the corner up ahead ….

This Old Heart of Mine

Wow, it’s been a (long) while since I’ve posted anything.  My husband has asked me many times since last November when I was planning to write again, and I answered each of his questions the same….I would simply tell him, “I don’t know.”  Change is one part of life that happens whether we like it or not.  I can tell you that there have been many changes in our lives since last year.  I left you with the news that the Wilder Nest was moving to a new tree, and I described “the best laid plans” for our move.  You know about those kind of plans, they often “go awry!” They certainly changed for us, and I’m glad.  If we had followed that very first “best laid plan”,  I would be writing this from a new home inside another gated community. Another community that looks more like a “house farm” than a neighborhood; a place where lots of over 50 folks ride around in golf carts.  I really thought that was what I wanted.  Thankfully, the light came on in my brain and allowed me to realize my heart was never in it. I’ve always been more of a beach girl probably since I did grow up on the coast of NC. 

I am happy to report that thanks to my precious husband who knows me so well and loves me like no other,  we are nesting in this amazingly awesome “downtown real neighborhood.”  Each house is different with a personality all it’s own much like the people who live in them.   Some are old, some are young, some are in between…all interesting.  This neighborhood known as “The Promise Land” is special, and it feels that way to me.

Most mornings I  wake up early to the the melodious singing (technically chirping) from seagulls over the sound near our home.  Or, If I sleep really late…I can wake up, walk out on my porch, and hear the laughter of the children playing on the playground at St. Egberts School.  It is on the other side of “our nest”.  Either way…beautiful music to my ears.  It just doesn’t get any better for me. The heart knows!

Coming soon….”Seven Lonely Nights” in Bear Creek.